Posts by Jason – Speaking of Polygamy…

Recently, I have seen the debate about polygamy getting louder and louder. I see it on Facebook and Instagram, among other platforms. I hear people who are for polygamy, wanting only to defend their right to practice. I see people who are against it, wanting to shame and destroy the doctrine of polygamy.

One example of this anti-polygamy is the argument that Joseph Smith did not practice polygamy and that Brigham Young took it too far. Another is that Joseph did practice it and he was a fallen prophet. I have heard that Abraham, Jacob and other Old Testament prophets only practiced it because there were so few people then and it was needed.

With all these arguments, what I really hear people saying – as I listen between the lines – is that they don’t want it to be a commandment because, if it was, it would be a sin not to practice it. If they can debunk polygamy and the practice of it, they can rest easy.

When I’m asked why I practice polygamy, I explain it is my religious belief. I was not commanded to practice it by a prophet or by deity, but rather I saw that it was a valid and true doctrine in the Bible. I lost family, friends, church, jobs, self-esteem, and pride by practicing polygamy. And yet, I stand strong in the faith of this practice. I have found some scriptures that speak of plural marriage, but one stands out among the rest:

Matthew 25:1-13:

Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom.

The Kingdom of Heaven represents us. As followers of Christ, we are to be the Kingdom of Heaven. The ten virgins are worthy members of the Kingdom. They are virgins because of their virtue. They are to be brides, not bridesmaids. Christ is represented by the Bridegroom. We are to make a marriage with Christ, or make a covenant with Christ. If we were to be bridesmaids, we would only watch someone else make a covenant with Christ.

Matthew 25:1-13 (continued):

And five of them were wise, and five were foolish. They that were foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them: But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps.

This tells us that half of the virgins, though they were worthy of the Kingdom, were not prepared for the Kingdom. If Yeshua (Jesus) was just talking about one virgin marrying the bridegroom, He would have used an example of a virgin who was preparing to get married, but was foolish, so another stepped in place to be married. But we know that back then, most marriages were arranged. So, we see that not only were there ten virgins preparing to marry one man, but it was already arranged for this to happen.

Why would Yeshua speak of ten – or even five – wise virgins marrying one man all together unless polygamy was valid, even for Him at the Meridian of time? And why would Yeshua marry them at one time, instead of individually?

Because we are the body of Christ.

Each of us makes up a part of Him. Therefore, we are taught to love one another, even as He loves us (us being a whole). In plural marriage, each wife makes up a part of the husband; they are not a repeat of the same part. Each wife brings a different aspect of her husband to the marriage, completing him.

Matthew 25:1-13 (continued):

While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept. And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh: go ye out to meet him.

We have seen that Yeshua taught that most people would be asleep when He comes again, even as a thief in the night. And if they knew that He was coming then, they would be awake and ready for Him.

When suddenly the cry was made, those virgins who took extra oil, added it to their lamps and lit them. This was a sign for the bridegroom that they were waiting for him. It should bring to mind the saying, “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” (Matthew 5:16)

Matthew 25:1-13 (continued):

Then all those virgins arose, and trimmed their lamps. And the foolish said unto the wise, Give us of your oil; for our lamps are gone out. But the wise answered, saying, Not so; lest there be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves.

The oil represents our virtues and values that we preserve for our God. It isn’t something we can share with someone else. It is something that we can only preserve to ourselves. Each person must earn and grow their own virtues.

This is later reiterated in Matthew 25:26-27 when Yeshua speaks of the parable of the Talents. He tells the one that did not multiply his talents, that he was not a good servant. Yeshua said,

Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strawed: Thou oughtest therefore to have put my money to the exchangers, and then at my coming I should have received mine own with usury.

Yeshua is trying to teach us that we are responsible for our own actions, and we cannot ride the coattails of another to enter the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 25:1-13 (continued):

And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut. Afterward came also the other virgins, saying, Lord, Lord, open to us. But he answered and said, Verily I say unto you, I know you not. Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh.

The obvious point of this parable is to show us that we need to prepare for the coming of Yeshua, the Messiah.

But why did He use ten virgins to explain this parable, except that polygamy was common at that time? Is it even possible that Yeshua, himself, practiced polygamy? Ogden Kraut explained in his book Jesus Was Married that Yeshua (Jesus) could have married both Mary and Martha.

Some may agree and some may not with my explanation of this parable. I don’t think it can be argued that the virgins were bridesmaids instead of brides. If they were not brides, they would only be watching the wedding and not participating. This idea is invalid, as the parable starts out with, “The Kingdom of Heaven is like unto ten virgins.” This means that the virgins were participating in the wedding, not just observing it.

So, there you have it.

If you argue against polygamy, please explain this parable to me in a better way, so that I can understand your argument.

If you are for polygamy, you have the words of Christ to back you up.

To be uncomfortable is not always wrong!

When someone learned that I live polygamy, I was told that “she” would never share a man and that it is disgusting. (Who “she” is does not matter, because more than one woman has told me that.) I’ve also been told, “I would never do that to my wife.”

I understand how uncomfortable polygamy is to live. I understand it because I live it.

It is interesting to watch someone react when polygamy is brought up. There are some small reactions.

And then there are some bigger, more dramatic reactions when it seems as tho I just presented a salty, lemony, and vinegary drink. If you can imagine the face someone would make drinking that, it is the same face I have seen when talking about polygamy.

To say the least, it is an uncomfortable topic for most people.

I usually do not mention polygamy; it usually is introduced from another source and then I feel like I should explain it better.

I want people to understand that I am not just playing with women and their emotions, but rather I am taking a woman on as a wife, companion, and helpmate.

I made an egg sandwich to eat for breakfast. I toasted the bread on a hot skillet, fried the egg, heated up some sandwich meat, and added cheese on top of the egg to melt. After putting it all together, I had a simple breakfast. I asked my daughter to try this sandwich and after one bite, she made a face and said, “It’s okay.” And yet, when I make the same sandwich for my wives, they are grateful and often say it was delicious and hit the spot.

What makes one person not like something and another person enjoy it fully? Is it that it tastes different? That cannot be because they both are tasting the same thing. However, it is that each person has different tastes, different preferences of textures, and different ideas of what is delicious in what they experience. I have found that my tastes have changed and broadened as I have gotten older.

Just because something is uncomfortable, does not mean it is wrong. Sometimes it is true that we are in a bad place or situation, and we are being warned to get out. It is uncomfortable for an appropriate and valid reason.

But not all uncomfortable feelings are bad.

There is a scripture that says, “Ye shall know them by their fruits.” (Matthew 7:16)

If a leader tells you about a doctrine that does not seem right or is uncomfortable, it should be challenged but not outright dismissed. When Joseph Smith first introduced polygamy to the Latter-Day Saints of his time, it was introduced to a few persons at a time. It was done in an intimate setting where Joseph could explain to them more of the details of the doctrine, instead of dumping it on everyone and expecting compliance.

So, if some fruit is introduced, it needs to be tasted before it can be judged. So it is with an idea, a doctrine, a new food, we need to taste it first to see if it is good.

There is something to be said of the traditions of our fathers. In other words, sometimes we do things the same way our parents did, just because they did it that way.

There is a story of a woman who cut her meat a certain way to fit in her pan for cooking. Her daughter learned this technique by watching and helping her mother. As she became a mother, she cut the meat the same way, chopping off the ends. The granddaughter was then taught to cut off the ends of the roast. As the great-granddaughter learned to cut off the ends of the meat, she questions why it was done this way. They learned that it was because the first mother did not have a pan big enough for the roasts, so she cut off the ends to fit the pan. The women of this family continued the traditions even though the pan got bigger and could hold the whole roast.

My mother did not like the idea of polygamy. She was vocal about how it bothered her, and she would not be a part of polygamy, even if it were required to get into heaven. And yet, she was a descendant of polygamy. Her great-grandfather is Israel Barlow, a famous polygamist from the era of Joseph Smith.

In the LDS Church, the practice of polygamy has been banished, tho it was once embraced and taught by the leaders. Now when I talk with members of the LDS Church, they are offended and hate the idea of polygamy.

Members of the LDS Church receive a Patriarchal Blessing which states their lineage, connecting them to their fathers. This lineage links them to Israel and they are pronounced to be a part of one of the twelve tribes of Israel. And yet we know that Israel was a polygamist, having four wives.

How is it that we claim to be a part of a lineage that practiced polygamy and yet we do not want to accept polygamy as a valid form of a family structure? In fact, we often criticize it as a society.

If we are so critical of polygamy, we must also abandon the thoughts of our lineage through Israel and the blessings of Abraham. We, as a society or church or even family, cannot partake of the lineage God set up if we do not embrace the head of that lineage.

I have been told that polygamy brings about child marriages and child sexual abuse. As a law enforcement officer, I have seen children in bad situations without polygamy being involved at all. If we hear of any child brides, usually it is one group of people who have strayed from the path.

There are rules with polygamy that are based on the Bible. A man cannot marry a mother and daughter. A man cannot court a woman who is already married. A man can only marry as many women as he can care for (this is why royalty mostly did polygamy) without taking away from his current wife (see Leviticus 18).

In the media, we only hear part of the story and how terrible things are. As we all know, no one would watch the news if it was always roses, clouds, rainbows, and unicorns. As a society, we love to hear about someone else’s problems, faults, shortcomings, and trials.

So, when polygamy is brought up, they do not say how it helps single mothers have help with their children. It is not discussed how children grow up with siblings and a father. It is not discussed how financially it stabilizes the household when everyone works together.

Polygamy is not a comfortable concept.

Often, my family must re-adjust thought processes when we come into a new situation. We have to think about how it affects two or more wives, not just one.

We must have an understanding of how we are perceived and not personalize it. We must be open to how the world will not view the second wife as valid and often she misses out on the benefits of marriage.

It is easy to go back to ways we were taught growing up, when we believed in monogamy.

Society has been used to thinking about marriage as monogamy for multiple decades. When we must resolve an issue, we must change our way of thinking.

As we have learned thru experience, when we are willing to conform and grow, we have been able to grow together with a stronger unit than by ourselves. When we had to grow in our past marriages, it was often by ourselves as our spouses were not willing to conform and change with us.

So, what does the fruit of polygamy taste like? You will only know by tasting it.

So don’t judge polygamy if you don’t want to truly see how it works. You cannot tell someone who has tasted it that it looks weird and therefore tastes bad without being a bigot.

To say, “It is uncomfortable, therefore it is wrong,” does not do justice.