addressing other mothers – Speaking of Polygamy…

My sisterwife left today. She took her children, got on an airplane, and flew across the country.

She’ll be back in a week. She’s just gone to visit with and help some family members.

My sisterwife had told me her intention to leave for the airport at a certain time this morning, but because of the snow, she got out the door earlier than planned. I was surprised when I learned she’d left because she hadn’t said goodbye. I texted her and lovingly reprimanded her for not letting me give her a proper fare-thee-well.

Having her gone is weird. I’m so used to her being here. Even when we’re not in the same room, I still know she’s there when I need her. When she’s home, I also know any of my children can also go to her when they need her. Having her gone takes recalibrating on my part. But we still text each other and share photos and keep in touch.

Having Melissa’s children gone is also really weird. They’re so cute and fun, and I love the way they address me: “Mama Charlotte, can I have batteries for my RC car?” “Mama Charlotte, can I have some blueberries?” “Mama Charlotte, will you please get me a drink of water?” “Mama Charlotte, may I go with you on your walk?”

My children play with Melissa’s children constantly, so they will have to find other ways to occupy themselves for the next 7 days, especially my youngest son. He sleeps in the boys’ room on Melissa’s side of the house, and often eats breakfast with her and her children before I even realize he’s awake for the day.

I always miss all of them when they’re gone, and the house doesn’t feel right. Whenever they get home, even if it’s late at night, we usually have a mini party: hugs and kisses all around, some kind of special beverage or treat, maybe some decorations, lots of stories and catching up.

Another weird part about having Melissa gone is that Joshua will be with me every night. That includes me making dinner for him every single day, instead of only half the time. I suppose I used to do that, but it isn’t something I’m used to anymore.

In fact, altho the whole family officially only shares one dinner per week (Friday night dinner, for Shabbat), we regularly eat each other’s food or (even more often) the children eat what their “other mother” is serving. Our diets are going to be more boring for the next few days!

Melissa didn’t leave us completely empty-handed, however. Last night she cooked corned beef and cabbage (for St. Patrick’s Day) and served it to all of us, and we ate the leftovers with lunch today.

In the first scene of “Let the Seeking Begin!” [timestamp 03:30], Sharis prompts her children to say thank you to “Aunt Vanessa” for making breakfast.

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Aunt is a cute way to have children address their other mothers, although it seems inaccurate, given that Vanessa isn’t really the aunt of Sharis’s children. I suppose one could argue that Vanessa is their mother’s sister[wife], and that makes the title Aunt reasonable. Further, even if I find it strange, let’s remember that Sharis is the one who grew up in polygamy, so what do I know?

Another common way for children to address their father’s other wives is to call them Mom [first name]. In one plural family I’ve seen, the children refer to all the women as simply “Mom.” This is heart-warming, but it seems impractical. Besides, using the title Mom instead of the title Aunt doesn’t solve the problem of inaccuracy.

What do we do in my family? My children generally call my sisterwife “Ma-Melissa”. (Or is it “Mama-lissa”? Or perhaps “Mom-Melissa”? I’m never quite sure, given the first syllable of her name. 🙂 ) Other times they might call her “Mama Melissa” but sometimes just “Melissa.” The phrase “the mamas” is often used to refer to both of us, as in, “Please obey the mamas,” or, “Ask one of the mamas for help with that.” (Melissa’s children are from a previous marriage and they have never called me anything but “Charlotte.”)

It would be interesting to take a poll and get some data on what the most common naming practices are in plural families and what the reasoning is behind them.

The relationship between children and their other mothers is something in between Mom and Aunt. I think there ought to be a term, peculiar to the plural marriage world, to describe this something-in-between relationship.

What about Maunt? Or maybe it ought to be spelled Mont?? Hmmm… I wonder if that word would ever catch on…