Tag: Courting

Sisterwives Ought to Watch Out for Each Other

As I write this, one of my little children is in my sisterwife’s kitchen eating the dinner she made, and one of her little children is in my kitchen eating the dinner I made.  Which would you choose: French Toast or Beef & Broccoli?  

I suppose someone might ask, “Why not just have one kitchen and one dinner?”  There are plenty of answers to that question which I will save for another time.  

For now I want to focus on the fact that it sure is nice to live with someone who has your back all the time.  

Years ago, we had the opportunity to ask a lovely woman if she’d like to be courted (i.e., if she’d like to spend more time with us and pursue joining the family).  My husband Joshua had arranged for her to come over to our house at a specific time.  He was planning to pop the question, as it were (the question being essentially, “May I court you?”).  

The arrangement allowed for my sisterwife Melissa and me to both be present, be part of the conversation.  We were supportive of the idea of Joshua courting her, and we wanted to be a part of the process.  

I had a little baby at the time, and at the crucial time with this woman, my baby needed to be put to bed.  It killed me that I would have to miss the conversation, but I excused myself and retreated to my bedroom with my infant.

I’ll never forget what Melissa did.  I didn’t ask for this and I didn’t expect it.  My sisterwife looked at the situation – me out of the room taking care of the baby, missing all the action, feeling totally left out – and she did what Jesus taught in the Golden Rule: She did what she would want me to do.  

When I had to leave the living room, Melissa left the living room as well.  She came into my bedroom with me to put the baby to bed.  She sat and talked to me while Joshua sat in the living room talking to our female friend.  

In a beautiful act of loyalty and love, Melissa thought to herself, If Charlotte doesn’t get to be part of the conversation, then neither do I.  And she acted on that thought, at her own expense.  

This is the kind of attitude I get to have in my sisterwife.  She is extremely loyal, and she always tries to look at things from my point-of-view.  

I am extremely blessed to have a sisterwife who thinks of me, considers me, loves me, and shows me regularly that we are united, we are on the same team.  

As another example, we occasionally hear of a plural husband who doesn’t split his time evenly between his wives. Melissa gets on a soap box about it, but her rant isn’t about watching out for herself; it’s her watching out for me: “If Joshua came to my bedroom two nights in a row, I’d kick him out and make him go to Charlotte’s bedroom!  What are those women doing that they allow their plural husband to treat their sisterwives unfairly?  They ought to be ashamed!  Sisterwives need to watch out for each other!”  

I could go on and on with illustrations of Melissa’s keeping the Golden Rule over the years.  Loyalty is one of the greatest virtues in plural marriage.  Melissa is a wonderful example of how sisterwives ought to watch out for each other.  

Where are you?

Where do I find you?

When I first had a chance to live plural marriage, my wife and I met with a friend who was going through a tough time with her current husband. I will not go into details as it is her story to tell, but I will say that divorce was necessary for her to stay alive. She came to live with us for peace and protection as I was in law enforcement as a career.

After many trials of moving and my own marriage ending in divorce over plural marriage, I tried again to find someone. My second wife became my only wife (in one sense you could say she became my “first wife”) and we tried the online dating scene (polygamy dating sites) as online dating was gaining popularity and we wanted to see who was out there. I gave my wife all of the information of who I was talking with and what was going on. I talked with some women, but it was awkward and there were many just trying to scam.

In online dating, I believe there are those who would seek to join a family, but they also have been burned or just hammered by so many men or couples seeking that they get overwhelmed. I was honest in my profile and put myself out there to see what would happen. There were nice conversations until half-naked pics started coming in, with a need for a new cell phone, or a plane ticket to get out of Africa.

One time, I assumed I was talking with a blonde American woman (based on her profile and picture), but I was surprised when I received a video call from her. I answered and an African woman appeared and quickly hung up. I called her out and she said I was the one who was wrong and was lying about who I was.

My advice is to give up on searching online for someone. Stick to what you know and who you know.

Tracy, one of my wives, was found by my family in a group of friends that met once a month to get together and talk. After talking for a while, Tracy told me that she noticed how I treated Melanie (my only wife at the time) and that was honorable. She said she would like someone to treat her that way. I introduced polygamy to her and later she joined our family.

Another wife, Stephanie was found by me as I was looking for her. I had in my mind an impression of someone, so I searched friends of friends on Facebook. She was with a family that I knew growing up, but she did not look like the family. We talked and I found out she was adopted into the family. In time, we talked about how hard it was for her to find a good man, and she even said she was sad to learn that I was not available since I was married. I explained polygamy to her and in time, she joined our family as well.

So why do I date or seek another wife? I have been in law enforcement for over twenty-five years, and I have seen time after time, a woman in a bad marriage. This woman wants to leave, but what else is out there for her? Is there someone willing to take on the children and support them? Is there someone willing to just love her for who she is?

To me and my family, plural marriage isn’t about how many wives I can attain. It isn’t about how many children I can make. It is not about my status. It is about coming together and helping one another as a village but done with covenants and promises. It is done with time, patience, understanding, patience, learning, patience, long suffering, and patience.

We live on a farm and have land enough to sustain a large family. Not only could I use more help with gardening, animal husbandry, collecting fire wood, and construction of housing, but we also want to have a place where children can be taught in our own home. Right now, we only have one child at home, a six-year-old with only goats, sheep, and adults to be around. She needs some siblings!

I date to find someone to join our family, and our movement to a better life for all of us. I have found that it is more successful to find someone who is in need of a family such as ours, and who we have some connections with. So where are you? Where is the next one to join our family?