Hearts of Women Versus Hearts of Men

If a man may have a plurality of wives, why may not a woman have a plurality of husbands?

Because a woman’s heart is so constituted, that it is impossible for her to cherish a sincere love for more than one husband at the same time.

It is even difficult for her to believe that a man can cherish a sincere and honest love for more than one woman at the same time. It is difficult for her to believe it; for she cannot comprehend it.

Her own instincts revolt against the thought of a plurality of husbands, and, judging his feeling by her own, she does not see how a man can want, or at least can truly love, a plurality of wives.

But, as this point involves a constitutional difference of sex, it is one in which we must be aware that our feelings cannot guide us.

A man can never know the infinite tenderness and the infinite patience of a mother’s love, except imperfectly, by reason and observation. His experience does not teach him. His paternal love does not exactly resemble it.

So a woman can never know the purity and sincerity of a man’s conjugal love for a plurality of wives, except by similar observation and reason.

Her conjugal love is unlike it. Her love for one man exhausts and absorbs her whole conjugal nature: there is no room for more.

If she ever receives the truth that his nature is capable of a plural love, she must attain it by the use of her reason, or admit upon the testimony of honest men.

It would be as impossible and as unnatural for a pure-minded, virtuous woman to have more than one husband, as for the earth to have more than one sun; but it is not unnatural or impossible for a pure and noble-minded man to cherish the most devoted for several wives at the same time:

It is as natural for him as it is for the sun to have several planets at the same time, each one dependent on him, and each one harmonious in her own sphere.

To each planet the sun yields all the light and heat which she is capable of receiving, or which she would be capable of receiving, were she the only planet in the sky. Not one planet nor two, nor all combined, are able to exhaust his power, or move him from his sphere.

A similar relation exists, naturally, between the male and the female. He is the sun, they are the planets.

An abridged excerpt taken from The History and Philosophy of Marriage; or, Polygamy and Monogamy Compared, by James Campbell.

Being Needed (Advice to Future and Current Wives)

What I have to say here is not specific to polygamy, but will apply to all marriages. Women, you don’t want your current or future husband to “need” you. It might sound romantic, but having a needy husband will be an emotional drain on your naturally fluctuating emotional state. You do not want someone who needs to rely on you (that is not to say that you will do nothing for your husband). I once had a conversation with a female coworker about her rocky love life. Aside from her personal life (which was a disaster), she was relatively accomplished in an educational and professional capacity. In this conversation she told me that she likes to date (and live with) men who are inferior to her. This, in hopes that it will cause them to be dependent on her and therefore stay with her. She wanted someone who was not as smart as her, nor made as much money as she did. At the time of our conversation she had such a man, AND ABSOLUTELY DESPISED HIM for his general incompetence, and laziness. Her strategy didn’t work anyway. These weak men would eventually leave regardless. Can you blame them? They surely felt their uselessness, and perceived her disdain. Both she and they were generally miserable while they were together. Neither of them were satisfied by the situation. Her efforts to reverse the God-given and biological roles of men and women put her at odds with reality and resulted in misery. After telling me about her situation, she asked for my advice (which I usually keep to myself unless requested – this is a good policy). I told her what she really wanted. I told her that she wants a man better than herself. She wants a man stronger, smarter, more educated, more stable, and more successful than herself. She wants a man that can take care of her (and her child), and not the other way around. She thought for a brief moment and then said to me, “That is what I want.” I don’t know if anything has shifted in her life; she took a new job elsewhere shortly after this exchange. No indeed, you do not want someone who “needs” you. Rather, you need someone who loves and wants you (this is different than “needing you”). You need someone who can (and will) cherish, protect, provide, and lead you and your family. If you want to feel needed, if you want someone to be physically and emotionally dependent upon you, then have children. Nothing else will better fulfill your need to be needed.