Let’s talk about polygamy

About this site:

This site was launched as a place to discuss all things polygamy (a.k.a. plural marriage).  If you are

  • interested in polygamy but would never practice it
  • interested in polygamy and think maybe you would practice it
  • a polygamist
  • a former polygamist

or even if you are simply

  • interested in the long-running TV show Sister Wives or the new TV show Seeking Sister Wife

then this site is for you.

I live in the house where Kody Brown and his (then) 3 wives were living in Season 1 of Sister Wives (which I’ve never watched before).  A quick search online will provide you with photos and the exact address, and if you’re inclined, you can join the other SW fans who occasionally drive slowly past my house and take pictures.  🙂  I am also friends with some of the cast members of Seeking Sister Wife.  I plan to watch both of these shows and write my thoughts in the “Reality TV Commentary” section of this site.

I am only experienced in some parts of plural marriage, so I invite guest writers to help me fill the gaps and liven the discussion.  Some of the topics I plan to include in the “Plural Thoughts” section of this site are:

  • Why would you want to share your husband?
  • The powerful analogy between a-husband-and-his-wives and a-woman-and-her-children
  • Being the first wife
  • Being the second wife
  • Being the third wife (and beyond)
  • How to incorporate a new wife into the family
  • Pros and cons of sisterwives living together versus separately
  • Polygamy and jealousy (and other negative emotions)
  • Tips on transitioning from being LDS to being a polygamist
  • Common pettinesses in polygamy
  • Previous marriages and children from previous marriages
  • What about sex?
  • Difficulties of being a husband of more than one wife
  • Why plural marriage is not adultery
  • Why plural husbands are not creepy
  • What do the scriptures say about polygamy?
  • The LDS Church and Polygamy
    • Was Joseph Smith a polygamist?  Does it matter?
    • Problems with Brigham Young’s version of polygamy
    • What was meant by the 1890 Manifesto?
  • Abuse in polygamy (and monogamy)
  • Divorce and what it’s like when a plural family breaks up
  • Let’s hear from some children of polygamy
  • Loving and helping to raise your sisterwife’s children
  • What should be the limit on the number of wives in a family?  (What should be the limit on the number of children in a family?)
  • Finances in plural marriage
  • Should polygamy ever be institutionalized?
  • Differences and similarities in how Mormon sects (and other religions) deal with polygamy
  • Polygamy in the real world versus in the newspaper
  • Interacting with LDS Church members and people opposed to polygamy
  • Why I don’t believe everyone should be a polygamist

One of the most exciting parts in my story was when I started to meet real live plural families.  The ones I know are wonderful people!  The husbands have to put in extra effort to keep his marriages together, the wives have to be extra loving to make it all work, and the children have even more parental support than in monogamous families.  I would love to write about as many plural families as I can in the “Polygamists I Know” section of the site.  Let me know if you have a family to suggest.

The site will also have a “Resources” section which will be a place to list books, blogs, articles, websites, YouTube videos, etc., which go along with the theme of the site.  If you know of any resources that should be added to that page, let me know.

About me

My name is Charlotte, and I am a plural wife.  Only a few years ago I was a member of the LDS Church, happily married (monogamously), and adamantly opposed to polygamy.  How did I get here from there?  I’ll answer that question in the “My Story” section of this site, including.

  • My faithful LDS upbringing
  • My courtship and monogamous marriage
  • Learning about problems with the LDS Church
  • Influential books/articles I’ve read
  • My desire to receive personal revelation and my failures and successes
  • My husband Joshua and me receiving revelations in harmony with each other while at the same time my best friend Melissa and me receiving seemingly conflicting revelations
  • Melissa and I giving each other a high five when we concluded we would never have to live polygamy
  • Melissa’s bad marriage ending and her ending up living with us
  • Mind-blowing, sickening revelations that Melissa was going to marry Joshua
  • Being amazed as I was taught that Joshua could be a fantastic plural husband
  • The First Conversation We Ever Had About It (which I opened by asking, “Joshua, are you going to marry Melissa?”)
  • The Most Awkward Conversation of All Time (the award goes to Joshua and Melissa)
  • Consecrating finances
  • Troubles with teenagers and my moving to a different house
  • The plural wedding
  • Getting used to sharing my husband and parenting alone half the time
  • Keeping it a secret and pretending everything was normal
  • Revealing the truth
  • First steps away from the LDS Church
  • Being betrayed by family members
  • Meeting other polygamists!
  • Getting excommunicated from the Church
  • Finding fellowship elsewhere
  • Buying the Sister Wives house
  • My sisterwife inducing lactation in order to help breastfeed our first plural baby
  • Becoming comfortable with the idea of having 3 wives
  • Asking another woman to court us
  • Being betrayed by friends
  • Overcoming challenges in our relationships
  • Finally living together (a future chapter)

About me personally… I love dancing, calendars, math, stargazing, organizing, and reading board books to my toddler.

About my family… Joshua is a chemist and author.  I am a teacher and musician.  Joshua and I have been married for 15 years and have 4 children together (ages 1, 5, 8, and 11).  Melissa is a nurse and lactation consultant with adult children from a previous marriage.  She and Joshua have been married for 4 years.  All three of us have college degrees and two of us have graduate degrees.  Our children are homeschooled, take jiu jitsu lessons, compete in spelling bees and science fairs, solve Rubik’s Cubes, play musical instruments, and have largely normal childhoods.  They will tell you they love having 3 parents (although all children sometimes find it annoying to be bossed around by any number of parents).  As a family, we teach wine-making classes, go backpacking every summer, own/run a charity house, host a weekly fellowship in our home, keep the Biblical feasts and holy days, and we absolutely love making new friends.

If you have questions/comments/suggestions, if you would like to be a contributor to this site, or if you just want to talk with me, please comment on this post or contact me.  I would love to hear from you!

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