Fill your wife’s cup (a lesson from a dream)

A few nights ago, I dreamed that a group of us was headed to the live theater. 

Joshua and I went separately. When I arrived, he was sitting with another woman, enjoying her company, and holding her hand. 

I hadn’t realized before then that he was going to be on a date with a potential third wife. 

I said a friendly Hello to both of them. Then I quietly asked him if he had saved a seat for me. He said he hadn’t. I asked if I could talk to him privately.

We found a private place and I told him I’m fine with him going on a date with this woman, but that I hadn’t realized it was going to be a date. I told him that I need my cup to be filled, and could he please hug me and tell me he loves me. 

He saw my point of view, and he spent some time filling my cup before the performance started. 

This dream illustrates a plural marriage concept that is important for every polygamist to understand: In order to feel secure enough to be happy about sharing her husband with other women, a wife needs to have her own cup filled.

If a wife has a full cup, then when she sees another woman getting her cup filled, there should be no reason for jealousy. 

Even if you’re not a polygamist, you might be able to relate.  Think about how a young child must feel when he becomes an older sibling.  If he sees his mother giving all her time and energy to the new baby and paying very little attention to him, it is likely to lead to insecurity and, as a consequence, jealousy.  

To avoid the problems that can arise, it’s wise to give the toddler as much love and attention and time and affection as possible.  Keep his metaphorical cup full, and he’ll be happier to share his Mama with his siblings.  If a child has a full cup, then when he sees another child getting his cup filled, there should be no reason for jealousy. 

As an aside, here’s another bit of advice regarding the new-sibling transition: Don’t blame anything on the new baby.  Don’t say, “I can’t hold you right now because I’m holding the baby.”  Instead, say simply, “I can’t hold you right now.” Leave out the baby-blaming. In other words, don’t draw needless attention to the fact that anything negative is due to the new baby.  

There are many, many parallels between a mother having multiple children and a husband having multiple wives.  The analogy is deep and rich with lessons.  

If you are a woman struggling with the emotions that come with the plural marriage topic, try this: Try converting (in your mind) multiple-wife issues to the analogous multiple-children situation.  It’s worth a try, and if you’re anything like me, you will gain a lot of wisdom from seeing the situation from that point-of-view.  

We are called “sister” wives for a reason, after all…