Ten Wives Awaiting

Recently, I have seen the debate about polygamy getting louder and louder. I see it on Facebook and Instagram, among other platforms. I hear people who are for polygamy, wanting only to defend their right to practice. I see people who are against it, wanting to shame and destroy the doctrine of polygamy. 

One example of this anti-polygamy is the argument that Joseph Smith did not practice polygamy and that Brigham Young took it too far. Another is that Joseph did practice it and he was a fallen prophet. I have heard that Abraham, Jacob and other Old Testament prophets only practiced it because there were so few people then and it was needed.

With all these arguments, what I really hear people saying – as I listen between the lines – is that they don’t want it to be a commandment because, if it was, it would be a sin not to practice it. If they can debunk polygamy and the practice of it, they can rest easy. 

When I’m asked why I practice polygamy, I explain it is my religious belief. I was not commanded to practice it by a prophet or by deity, but rather I saw that it was a valid and true doctrine in the Bible. I lost family, friends, church, jobs, self-esteem, and pride by practicing polygamy. And yet, I stand strong in the faith of this practice. I have found some scriptures that speak of plural marriage, but one stands out among the rest:

Matthew 25:1-13:

Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom.

The Kingdom of Heaven represents us. As followers of Christ, we are to be the Kingdom of Heaven. The ten virgins are worthy members of the Kingdom. They are virgins because of their virtue. They are to be brides, not bridesmaids. Christ is represented by the Bridegroom. We are to make a marriage with Christ, or make a covenant with Christ. If we were to be bridesmaids, we would only watch someone else make a covenant with Christ. 

Matthew 25:1-13 (continued):

And five of them were wise, and five were foolish. They that were foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them: But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps. 

This tells us that half of the virgins, though they were worthy of the Kingdom, were not prepared for the Kingdom. If Yeshua (Jesus) was just talking about one virgin marrying the bridegroom, He would have used an example of a virgin who was preparing to get married, but was foolish, so another stepped in place to be married. But we know that back then, most marriages were arranged. So, we see that not only were there ten virgins preparing to marry one man, but it was already arranged for this to happen.

Why would Yeshua speak of ten – or even five – wise virgins marrying one man all together unless polygamy was valid, even for Him at the Meridian of time? And why would Yeshua marry them at one time, instead of individually?

Because we are the body of Christ.

Each of us makes up a part of Him. Therefore, we are taught to love one another, even as He loves us (us being a whole). In plural marriage, each wife makes up a part of the husband; they are not a repeat of the same part. Each wife brings a different aspect of her husband to the marriage, completing him. 

Matthew 25:1-13 (continued):

While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept. And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh: go ye out to meet him.

We have seen that Yeshua taught that most people would be asleep when He comes again, even as a thief in the night. And if they knew that He was coming then, they would be awake and ready for Him.

When suddenly the cry was made, those virgins who took extra oil, added it to their lamps and lit them. This was a sign for the bridegroom that they were waiting for him. It should bring to mind the saying, “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” (Matthew 5:16) 

Matthew 25:1-13 (continued):

Then all those virgins arose, and trimmed their lamps. And the foolish said unto the wise, Give us of your oil; for our lamps are gone out. But the wise answered, saying, Not so; lest there be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves.

The oil represents our virtues and values that we preserve for our God. It isn’t something we can share with someone else. It is something that we can only preserve to ourselves. Each person must earn and grow their own virtues. 

This is later reiterated in Matthew 25:26-27 when Yeshua speaks of the parable of the Talents. He tells the one that did not multiply his talents, that he was not a good servant. Yeshua said, 

Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strawed: Thou oughtest therefore to have put my money to the exchangers, and then at my coming I should have received mine own with usury.

Yeshua is trying to teach us that we are responsible for our own actions, and we cannot ride the coattails of another to enter the kingdom of heaven. 

Matthew 25:1-13 (continued):

And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut. Afterward came also the other virgins, saying, Lord, Lord, open to us. But he answered and said, Verily I say unto you, I know you not. Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh.

The obvious point of this parable is to show us that we need to prepare for the coming of Yeshua, the Messiah.

But why did He use ten virgins to explain this parable, except that polygamy was common at that time? Is it even possible that Yeshua, himself, practiced polygamy? Ogden Kraut explained in his book Jesus Was Married that Yeshua (Jesus) could have married both Mary and Martha. 

Some may agree and some may not with my explanation of this parable. I don’t think it can be argued that the virgins were bridesmaids instead of brides. If they were not brides, they would only be watching the wedding and not participating. This idea is invalid, as the parable starts out with, “The Kingdom of Heaven is like unto ten virgins.” This means that the virgins were participating in the wedding, not just observing it. 

So, there you have it.

If you argue against polygamy, please explain this parable to me in a better way, so that I can understand your argument.

If you are for polygamy, you have the words of Christ to back you up.

4 Ways My Sisterwife Helped Me When My Twins Were Born

Last year I gave birth to twins.  Baby A had to stay at the hospital for more than a month, while Baby B got to come home right away.  As you can imagine, this was a challenging time for me, for the babies, and for my whole family.  I was recovering from giving birth, I had a healthy newborn to feed and care for, I was pumping breastmilk around the clock to give to the hospital-bound newborn, and I was taking the healthy twin with me to and from the hospital to spend every day with both newborns.  

My sisterwife Melissa had her own struggles with what was happening, but instead of shrinking from the challenge, she leveled up and helped me in the best ways she could.  

Here are the 4 biggest ways Melissa helped me when I had the twins. 

  1. Pumping
  2. Food
  3. Baby stuff
  4. Child care

    1. Helped me pump breastmilk for Baby A

    The biggest way Melissa helped was by being my teammate in tackling the challenge of pumping breastmilk.  

    I had never pumped before, but Melissa has both personal and professional experience pumping.  She also had a breast pump and a large collection of pump parts and accessories.  She generously shared with me her expertise and her supplies.  

    Not only that, but she signed herself up to wash all my pumping supplies on a daily basis.  This was an amazing service for me.  Pumping milk for a baby in the NICU is a full-time job, and she removed the burden of washing the pump parts.  Many times every day and night, I pumped and prepared the milk for my inpatient newborn.  I sent all the dirty pump parts over to Melissa’s kitchen.  With her own young children underfoot, she washed them, sterilized them, and assembled them into clean, labeled bags for me to use the next day.  

    I am very grateful for her help in all of this.  Kudos to the women who pump full-time without so much support.  

    2. Cooked good food for me

      Melissa cooked nutritious food for me for several months during my postpartum period.  She either served hot meals to me for breakfast, or packed them and sent them with me to the hospital.  Honestly, I’ve never eaten better!  Without such generous help, I probably would have lived on trail mix and jerky.

      All that good food helped me recover from giving birth, produce plenty of breastmilk for two hungry nursing babies, and have the strength and energy for every demanding day, with one less thing to worry about.  

      I was blessed to have a sisterwife who volunteered to cook for me during those months.  

      3. Curated baby items for the twins

        Melissa is good at collecting things like baby carriers, swaddles, and baby blankets. As a result, she has a nice assortment of baby items she’s letting me use.  

        These items have both form and function, and she prioritizes quality over quantity. For instance, we now have an extensive collection of baby wraps in cute colors from our favorite brand.  She shops secondhand and is exceptional at spotting a good deal.  

        When I needed something she didn’t already have, she put in the legwork to hunt for it, and in some cases even picked up the items for me. 

        4. Helped take care of my toddler

          During the 5 weeks Baby A was inpatient, Melissa took my toddler on most days for two hours to go to fun places or just hang out with her and her young children.  Besides that official time frame, I have no doubt he was over in her house often, eating her food and doing whatever interesting activities the other littles were doing. 

          My toddler has done surprisingly well with the transition to being an older brother to twins (not to mention having his mother gone to the hospital so much), and I believe it’s due in part to having so many people in the home watching out for him and providing more stability than I could give him on my own. 

          These are just the four biggest ways Melissa helped me in the period right after the twins were born.  Sisterwives are (or ought to be) teammates, not rivals.  Who doesn’t want another loved one in their corner, another person on their team?