Food – Speaking of Polygamy…

My sisterwife left today. She took her children, got on an airplane, and flew across the country.

She’ll be back in a week. She’s just gone to visit with and help some family members.

My sisterwife had told me her intention to leave for the airport at a certain time this morning, but because of the snow, she got out the door earlier than planned. I was surprised when I learned she’d left because she hadn’t said goodbye. I texted her and lovingly reprimanded her for not letting me give her a proper fare-thee-well.

Having her gone is weird. I’m so used to her being here. Even when we’re not in the same room, I still know she’s there when I need her. When she’s home, I also know any of my children can also go to her when they need her. Having her gone takes recalibrating on my part. But we still text each other and share photos and keep in touch.

Having Melissa’s children gone is also really weird. They’re so cute and fun, and I love the way they address me: “Mama Charlotte, can I have batteries for my RC car?” “Mama Charlotte, can I have some blueberries?” “Mama Charlotte, will you please get me a drink of water?” “Mama Charlotte, may I go with you on your walk?”

My children play with Melissa’s children constantly, so they will have to find other ways to occupy themselves for the next 7 days, especially my youngest son. He sleeps in the boys’ room on Melissa’s side of the house, and often eats breakfast with her and her children before I even realize he’s awake for the day.

I always miss all of them when they’re gone, and the house doesn’t feel right. Whenever they get home, even if it’s late at night, we usually have a mini party: hugs and kisses all around, some kind of special beverage or treat, maybe some decorations, lots of stories and catching up.

Another weird part about having Melissa gone is that Joshua will be with me every night. That includes me making dinner for him every single day, instead of only half the time. I suppose I used to do that, but it isn’t something I’m used to anymore.

In fact, altho the whole family officially only shares one dinner per week (Friday night dinner, for Shabbat), we regularly eat each other’s food or (even more often) the children eat what their “other mother” is serving. Our diets are going to be more boring for the next few days!

Melissa didn’t leave us completely empty-handed, however. Last night she cooked corned beef and cabbage (for St. Patrick’s Day) and served it to all of us, and we ate the leftovers with lunch today.

8 ounces of red meat, and red it was, sat between them.

I commend Vanessa for taking the bull by the horns and eating what she wanted to eat, in spite of Ashley’s concern about food, and after stating that she did not want to mess things up on a date with Dimitri.

I think that everyone has the right to ask for what they need in a relationship. We all live in different ways, prioritize different things, and some things are not going to harmonize well with others. That may or may not include dietary demands; although, I’ve heard it said that it is harder to change someone’s diet than their religion.

I find it very funny that Ashley, in the prior episode, was like, “Dimitri won’t like this.” Then, in this episode, Dimitri said that Ashley would not like it. Perhaps something needs to be sorted out.

I do believe that an established kitchen should be respected, particularly when there are children involved. Otherwise, It is confusing and upsetting for all involved.

I don’t think that part is a control issue.

The problem would be for me if there were an attempt to control what I ate outside of the established kitchen. I like the idea of ordering what you want when you are eating out with the family or with friends, or getting what you want at a drive through on the way home from work when you are by yourself, but eating according to the established “rules” at home (especially in your sisterwife’s kitchen).

I have a good example that happened today; Charlotte’s youngest and I have had terrible head colds (One of the reasons this post is so late). Charlotte has requested that the child get no dairy until her congestion clears up. I was craving toast with cream cheese and jam. I went over to Charlotte’s kitchen with my toast and got immediate demand that I share the food. I wanted to respect Charlotte’s request, so I took the toast back to my kitchen where I ate it. Later I reminded the child that I was not to give her any kind of milk or cheese until her nose stopped running. That went over much better than eating it in front of her and attempting to explain the same thing. We are hoping for tomorrow to resume her cheese eating.

I see the restaurant differently than a meal at home because I don’t feel the same expectation to share what I am eating. Other’s mileage may vary with food sharing at restaurants, and that would have to be taken into individual account.

When I married Joshua, I knew that he didn’t like bacon (I know, who doesn’t like bacon?!). It wasn’t a deal breaker because he wasn’t demanding that I not eat bacon. As time progressed we talked about the Old Testament dietary laws and I made the decision to refrain from pork. It wasn’t actually a difficult decision as I knew that I had had a problem with feeling stiff and sore and generally achy the day after every time I ate it. That graduated to shellfish and other foods against Old Testament dietary laws.

It is, and has been, my decision, and would not be a big deal if I changed my eating habits again. Now that the rest of the family is off pork and shellfish etc, of course, I would respect the household and not eat it at home. However, I love eating out, so if I ever did change my diet, I would see eating out as an opportunity, rather than focusing on the kitchen rules as a restriction. I would see it in a way similar to not wanting to make something at home because I know it is made better at a restaurant.